Yeah, you heard me…we’re headed to the big time! HC has reached a new plateau in our growth as an actual climbing organization…mother fucking climbing trolls are commenting on our blog posts! We’ve all dreamed of this day, we thought we’d lost our edge after Rowland failed to ignite a flame war on Supertopo when he announced the HC 2012 convention, but Rowland’s donkey-punch post pointing out that, perhaps, on occasion, people accidentally do things that are inadvertently hurtful, pushed us over the top! We’re an honest-to-God bonafide climbing institution now, and all it took was a well written and insightful piece where we discussed our feelings on a subject to bring the trolls over to the little corner of the climbing community we’ve managed to dynamite out for ourselves!
There ain’t no troll like a climbing troll…let’s get that shit clear right now. They’re the unicorn of trolls, they have time to formulate words and express opinions not entirely their own. Your typical climbing troll shares the following attributes:
A) Probably has climbed something at some point in their life. Gym? Outdoors? Tree? Staircase? Yes, maybe one of those things that do not require a keyboard. Or no. Either way, our bets are on the chocolate fountain at the Golden Corral.
B) Doesn’t climb because of that injury, or the gym closed, or they raised their rates, or they had kids, or they…whatever. Point is, anyone who can leave a 3 and a half page rant on the Access Fund Facebook page about freedom of speech, ‘Murricuh, and those GODDAMNED homosexuals, does not have time to climb. Also, probably doesn’t actually think enough to be able to suss out routes.
C) Owns a well book-marked copy of “Mountaineering: Freedom of the Hills” which they can refer to quickly in an effort to rebut any comment left by anyone who says anything about anything. Seriously, that’s a LONG fucking book…it’s great, but Jesus Christ…I learned how to lick the alphabet in chapter 45. I heard that capitol T is the best, but I’m hesitant to make that statement since a climbing troll probably has a different opinion…
D) Looks like this
No seriously, that’s exactly how they look.
So Rowland’s post got some attention, and we’re glad that we’ve got trolls who have taken the time to lighten our lives, brighten our days, and blatantly disregard our feelings on a subject that is near & dear to our hearts…homophobia in the climbing community. Remember, my darlings, that the trolls we attracted in the very beginning typically started their comments with a “I don’t see the point in a gay climbing club…”, the fact that we’ve moved past that point is reason enough for us to celebrate.
Also, our trolls are fucking hysterical because it’s like they don’t even know us…they think they’re commenting on one of their typical message boards where we’re going to use logic or philosophy to rebut their troll-y comments.
But we won’t. ‘Cause fuck you.