Homo Climbtastic Hosting 3rd Annual World’s Largest Queer LGBT Gay Climbing Convention Ever (This time post-rapture!) July 14, 2011

Thought I’d give a sample forum post if anyone wants to plagiarize for use on any random internet forum to advertise our upcoming convention…
Thanks to the rapture, we no longer have to pretend that we are conforming, law abiding citizens adhering to any common standard of decency–meaning this will not only be the biggest, but also the FUNNEST Homo Climbtastic convention in history! Details of the coming frivolity:

DATE AND LOCATION: As usual, we’re at the New River Gorge, in West Virginia, in the middle of July. July 14-18, 2011 to be exact.

STILL COMPLETELY FREE: Well, we’re not paying for your campsite fee, but we’re not charging you to hang out with us. That’s what Rentboy is for.

MORE VAGINAS: Yes, more vaginas! HC is recruiting harder than ever to get more womyn out there making HC herstory. But we can’t pretend they’re all gonna be lesbians, because at Homo Climbtastic, it rarely takes anything more than a strap-on and two shots of tequila to make anyone feel a little bi-curious. I’m already reading internet articles about tongue movement in order to lose my gold star–and if you don’t know what a gold star is, get ready to lose yours too! Forget vagina monologues, get ready for vagina dialogues!

Rapture prediction

Soon we'll have it all to ourselves!

STRAIGHT MEN: They kind of wander in like lost dogs, but just to make sure you know, you’re welcome too! And an untapped resource for all you heterotronic crag hag females out there. Sure, we know all it takes for you straight girls to get laid is show up at Miguel’s in a sports bra and a star in your eye (I just need a six pack… of PBR… for myself), but at least you’ll wake up smelling good and probably without scabies. Probably. We think we picked up some of our guys in Kentucky because they wanted rides to cooler territory and couldn’t afford flights to Bishop.

MORE CRAZY COSTUMES: Last year’s climb in drag was… last year. This year’s costume climbing contest: furry costumes! (While we’re on that note, where the F do those people get those things? Do I need to sew this rabbit outfit myself?) And this time, we may even do it on lead. Even though bunny heads are heavy. Expect plenty of super awesome FA’s (furry ascents)!

MORE FORGIVING ITINERARIES: In the past, we’ve never scheduled anything at crags with climbs below 5.10, which made it hard to bring friends who aren’t super strong climbers but may be necessary to help pay for gas. With several groups of 20-30, this time we’ll have itineraries to please anyone, whether they climb 5.7 or 5.14.

REGISTER NOW: So get on it. Go to www.homoclimbtastic.com and click the big fat link at the top to register. Cause we’re rad and we know it. Also, we have a strict no whiner policy, which includes whining about which stereotypes we do or don’t fit into, climbing too hard or not hard enough, not putting the convention in your back yard, and not baby sitting your noob friends. We dun do none of that, kids, and we dun tired of answering e-mails about it.

We’ll see the rest of you homegirls at the New, baby!

Rowland

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