It’s Time!!

Well folks, it’s time to get this show on the road!  See the information below to ensure the best possible experience at Homoclimbtastic 2013!  I advise you to print this for easy reference.

its time

start your engines, ’cause here we go!

ITINERARY

WEDNESDAY

8AM – 8PM      Check-In with Chris at Cantrell’s in Fayetteville

Go climb if you arrive early

Dinner OYO – Support Local Business!

Campsite Mix & Mingle

THURSDAY

8AM                 Breakfast at Cantrell’s

8:45AM            Welcome and Morning Announcements

9AM – 6PM      Climbing

8PM                 Pies and Pints Pizza Night

FRIDAY

8AM                 Breakfast at Cantrell’s

8:45AM            Morning Announcements and Ice-Breakers

9AM – 6PM      Climbing

9AM – 1PM      Whitewater Rafting

7PM                 Dinner OYO or at Cantrell’s Pub

8PM                 Homoclimbtastic Documentary Screening: Climbing With Pride

                        Campsite Games and Comedy Show

SATURDAY

8AM                 Breakfast at Cantrell’s

8:45AM            Morning Announcements

9AM – 6PM      Climbing at Summersville

7PM                 Dinner OYO – Support Local Business!

8PM                 Presentation by Lisa Hummel for American Alpine Club

HC/AAC/NRAC Auction with Hostess, Porsche Ferrari

Dance Party all night at the Bar

SUNDAY

9AM               Picnic Brunch at City Hall: Downtown Fayetteville

Announcements and Group Photo

12PM              Climbing

Campsite Night

MONDAY

10AM               Pack and Depart

pretty

time to climb

NOTES

Checking in with Chris upon your arrival is important.  Please do not neglect this.

Times listed on this itinerary are tentative, but please make every effort to be ON TIME to the evening events: Pies and Pints, documentary screening, and the auction.  Direct from the crag or showered and clean, nobody cares one way or another.  Just show up.

Morning announcements can save you lots of headache.  Show up on time and listen closely.  This is where we will, more-or-less, determine what groups are going to what crags for the day.

Breakfast is provided by Nancy at Cantrell’s for $9 daily.

Saturday’s climbing destination is Summersville for fun group time.  Every other climbing destination is yours to pick.  Find a group going somewhere fun and hit the trails.

Whitewater rafting is $70.  Actual departure and return time may vary from this itinerary.

Cantrell’s and Homoclimbtastic now take PLASTIC!  That means you can bring your credit/debit card to pay for various sundries at the campsite and at the big auction.  Three cheers!  Hooray!

Support local business while you’re visiting Fayetteville.  This town does a lot for us, so let’s do our part to make that support reciprocal.

Pay what you owe.  Do not assume that things are free.  Camping, lodging, food and rafting are the major expenses you should expect during the trip.  You’ll want to bring extra for auction items!

Get to know, and exchange telephone numbers with the person driving you to and from the crag.  Carpools might take a piece of advice and STICK TOGETHER so nobody gets left behind.  Confirm and re-confirm carpool changes.  Nobody wants to be left at the crag in the rain all night with no food or water.  That would suck.

It might rain.  Plan accordingly.  There are climbing areas that are always dry and areas that dry quickly… do some research or pay attention at morning announcements.

Homoclimbtastic leaders are NOT climbing instructors.  Know what you’re doing or be sure you’re hanging out with someone who does.

Introduce yourself to new people!  There are over 150 registered climbers for this year’s event; make new friends… these new friendships can be amazing!

BE SAFE!  Wear a helmet when climbing, check and double-check your gear, wear a PFD when rafting, don’t play with poisonous snakes on the approach, use protection between the sheets etc, etc… remember that we’re doing potentially dangerous activities, so use common sense.

Relax. Breathe. Enjoy.  The schedule might vary a little—sometimes a lot.  Climbing trips aren’t perfect.  Enjoy your vacation and leave the stress behind!

WHAT TO BRING

climbing gear
(hardware: ‘biners, draws, belay devices, etc; software: harness, rope, shoes, slings, etc; bring what you know you need and everything else just in case)

climbing helmet
(this one is mega important because there can be falling rocks at the new—stay safe)

rafting gear including good shoes for whitewater rafting… loose shoes and sandals get lost

campers need camping gear… be prepared for rain!

cabin people need linens or camp sleep gear

clothes
(contrary to popular belief, we do not always run around nekkid in the south… it may be encouraged in some situations, but it is not always appropriate)

rain gear

toiletry items
(the bathhouse is centrally located on campground property)

swimsuit

rafts and pool/lake floatation toys

essential items for Saturday's outing to Summersville. don't forget sunscreen!

essential items for Saturday’s gator ‘rasslin outing to Summersville Lake. don’t forget your sunscreen!

picnic supplies (blankets, quilts, baskets, pillows, etc) for our sunday picnic brunch: think “mini pride picnic brunch in the park”…really try to go all out for this

picnic!

picnic time

money for: lodging, food, auction, rafting, shopping at waterstone, groceries

friendly donations to homoclimbtastic are generously accepted

items for talent/comedy show

camera!

anything and everything else you can possibly think of

Looking forward to a great trip!  Safe travels, everybody… see you there!!

Registration now OPEN for 2013 Convention

It’s that time again, folks… time to register for the 2013 Homoclimbtastic Convention!

Mark your calendars for July 17 through July 21 to take a trip to Fayetteville, West Virginia to join the world’s largest group of LGBT rock climbers as we descend upon one of the best sport climbing areas in the nation.

How to Register:

Click here to fill out the registration form.  Fill it out entirely, otherwise it will take you back to answer questions you forgot.  That’s no fun, so knock it out.  When you see the confirmation page, you’re done!  If you are unsure about whether or not you can attend, fill out the form anyway and let us know later what your decision is.

How to Reserve Your Accommodations:

If you’re camping, let us know on the registration form… that is what reserves your spot.  Camping is paid for in cash at Cantrell’s when you arrive.  If you’re a pretty pretty princess like me and want to stay in a cabin with a shower and air conditioning, send me an email and let me know that you’re interested.  I’ll email you back with some info about the cabin reservations.  Cabin reservations are FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED, but I can only take cabin reservations from those who have registered. Note: there IS a bathhouse for campers, it’s not entirely wilderness camping.

About the Accommodations:

Tent camping is $9 per night (cash).  Cabins run from $70 to $210 per night (don’t scoff, you have to split it up, folks).  Cabins have a roof, AC, and fewer bugs.  There are some bungalows, some Deluxe Amish Cabins, the Country Cabin, and the Barn Loft-style Cabin.

Please remember to note: our accommodations site is CASH or CHECK ONLY.  We will not be able to use plastic (the kind you pay for things with, anyway) in any way, shape, form, or fashion.  You’ll have to go into town to use an ATM if you forget your checkbook.

Squeeeeeeal like a pig

Occasionally we will get emails from anxious yankees who are terrified of rain, Southerners, humidity, and Deliverance. We can’t promise that you won’t hear the faint pang of a banjo string, but we can definitely offer you a refreshing lake to cool off in that’s about ten feet from the climbing, food so good it’s escandalo, the hijinks of the Homoclimbtastic leaders and members, aaaaaaand world class sport routes (with plenty of trad routes to keep those with high ankled shoes occupied). It’s the South, y’all!

After You Register:

Hang tight and look for a confirmation email from me.  If you haven’t heard from me in a week or two, shoot me an email.

Stay In Touch:

Contact me if you have questions, I’ll be glad to help you out! Email me at chris@homoclimbtastic.com.  Follow us on Twitter @homoclimbtastic and @chrisavret. Like us on Facebook.

Get pumped, start training, and get ready for the best LGBT climbing event you’ve ever seen!

Taking over a whole town ain't easy, but if anybody can do it, we can!

Taking over a whole town ain’t easy, but if anybody can do it, we can!

See you at the New!

Get Your Calendar Ready for Homoclimbtastic!

There is something that you need to know.

Queer climbers will be invading the New River Gorge in West Virginia again this summer…

…and it’s going… to be… AMAZING!!!!

boss approved time off for homoclimbtastic convention.  fuck yeah.

got time off work for the homoclimbtastic convention. fuck yeah.

SOOOOO… SAVE THE DATE!!  JULY 17-21, 2013

Write it on your calendar. In pen… and pink highlighter.  Write yourself a bunch of post-it notes. In sharpie.  Clear the time off with your boss.  Talk to your local queer climbing group about carpooling and/or flight options (it’s never too early).  Start saving up cash for the AAC climbing swag auction hosted by the fabulous Porsche Ferrari.  Start your training regimen.  Get ready… cause it’s going to be a blast!!

Check back soon for the registration form and all the other really important details that you’ll need to know.  It’s good stuff.

It’s Go Time!

It’s time to go!

The HC convention is now a little less than a month away, which means plane tickets have likely bottomed out.

CAMPING AND CABINS: We’re officially convening at Class VI, a campground and lodging resort, at the MSOC section   Their number is 1.888.383.9985.  Please go ahead and book.  See http://www.class-vi.com/site/maps_and_directions.html for information about how to get to the check-in and MSOC camp site.  IF YOU ARE

ARRIVING LATE AT NIGHT, SEE THIS MAP:

http://www.class-vi.com/media/documents/pdf/directions-to-aotg.pdf AND BURN INTO YOUR BRAIN THAT WE’RE AT THE MOUNTAIN STATE CAMPGROUND, NOT THE MAIN CAMPUS.  MOUNTAIN STATE/MSOC IS ON THE RIGHT VERY SOON AFTER YOU TURN OFF OF ROUTE 19 ONTO AMES HEIGHTS ROAD HEADING WEST (there’s also signs about paintball).  We will be camping between the bathhouse and the rustic/non-electric pavilion. THERE IS NOT A SPECIFIC ADDRESS TO PUNCH INTO A GPS, SO DON’T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE TO RELY ON YOUR GPS AND AN ADDRESS TO GET THERE.

Look at a map and figure out where you’re going.

1 Ames Heights Road

Lansing, West Virginia 25862

This address may work in a GPS, but you prolly need to travel further along the road than the GPS indicates. Class VI is very lgbt friendly and knows exactly who we are–some of the owners and managers are lgbt—if there is any confusion, do not be cagey about the fact that your’e they’re for our convention, they’ll probably recognize the event and then help get you to the right place.  And for that matter, the rest of Fayetteville knows and loves that we’re coming–so don’t be shy.  It’s a friendly place.

There’s a reason we locate the convention here.

CAMPING: HC’ers book camping and pay by cc at the non-profit rate of $9/person/night using the reservation code 33461 for the MSOC Campground.

CABINS: HC’ers must book an entire cabin at once. Prices and cabin options/amenities are on the website.  Again, there’s two separate campgrounds owned by the same company–make sure you book a cabin that’s on the MSOC campground!

DIRTBAGGING?  If you’re dirtbagging, or staying in some off-site five star hotel, you’ll need to look out for the itinerary AND make sure you keep in touch with someone at the campground AND if you really want to be sure you travel with the group, come by the pavilion in the mornings before we leave so that you know the plan and you don’t get left behind anywhere.  But the campground is super awesome and 9 dollars is frackin cheap so if you’re not staying with us you’re probably crazy.

Questions? Contact jon@homoclimbtastic.com

Women in HC

Do the Job He Left Behind WW2 poster

...drill baby drill!

In the beginning, Homo Climbtastic was 100% male–that was because the first trip was me and four other guys, including current dictators C-Pow and Chavez, tromping through the West Virginia woods.  Later, and we had perhaps the most success at our last New River Gorge convention, women turned out and turned it up.  Still, their numbers haven’t reached the volume of men present.

Where there’s more men, they bring more men friends, and the scales dip in one direction through inertia alone, so we actively recruit women in our advertising to keep the ratios from going completely out of whack.  I do this partly out of self-interest; a sausage fest sounds nice on paper, but it really just makes for a boring party, and I know my queer women friends feel similarly about clam cook-offs, so we’re in this BBQ pit together, friends.

But at the end of the day, (and this is becoming more true as the group grows larger) the inclusiveness of what we say in our advertising can’t overcome the major barrier–women in the field advertising.  The guys, since inception, have been excited to play whack-a-mole with every gay dating web site internet forum, posting press releases about the trips to bring in anybody who knows how to give a soft catch.  Sometimes I run across things posted by guys I’ve never heard of encouraging people to meet them there.

Thus, I am sounding the call to arms: we are getting more women involved, and we’re doing it now.  Which means you.  Assuming you either have a vagina or are making progress toward acquiring one, I, Alex Rowland, spiritual leader of Homo Climbtastic, am vesting you with diplomatic authority to post our press releases far across the internet, or, better, write or tailor your own.

Victory waits on your fingers WW2 poster

Gurl, get on OK Cupid and tell everybody to come climb with you!

You’ll have to caution them with the requirements of joining, which are posted at http://homoclimbtastic.com/join/ but that’s pretty much it.  The great thing about posting everywhere is that it gives you a reason to meet people, awesome rock climbers nearby perhaps, who you wouldn’t have met otherwise.  Direct them to join the Facebook group or to sign up for our July 14-18, 2011 convention at the New River Gorge in West Virginia.

I can assure you, we (HC men and women both) are actively working in various other ways to keep this from turning into some lame gym bunny circuit party with sports on the side and a poster that looks like it belongs under a car windshield wiper.  But the war cannot be won on leadership alone!  You have to get out there, leave shyness behind, and proclaim, “Ladies, we’re gonna crash this HC convention like no queer climbing convention has ever been crasheded before!”

Women in the war we cant win without them WW2 poster

Your gender expression is up to you, but leave working explosives behind

There are other queer athletic institutions which are almost entirely male and which have no equivalent group for women, thereby leaving women in the lurch if they want to commune with other queer people–those trains left their stations without all the cars attached.  So now’s the time to get everyone on board, and we’re all determined to make it happen.  We just need you.  Get it, girl.

A Press Release Only a Mother Could Love…

Betcha ya don’t read press releases like this everyday…

“On Bel-Heeyyyyy!”: GLBT Rock Climbers Head to Bishop

Homo Climbtastic (national group for gay rock climbers blah blah blah) is excited to land in Bishop in April for a 4-day trip. Two of California’s local GLBT climbing clubs, the Bay Area’s Flame ‘n’ Flash and the L.A. Heel Hookers, make frequent outings to the climbing lands of Bishop, but this time we’re welcoming our members from all over the country (well, including Canada, countries) to join up – north of 70 so far. There are hardcore boulderers and sport climbing addicts among us so we’ll be spreading out to the Milks, the Happies, the Sads and the Gorge based on poison picked. The trip dates are April 14-18 and we’re psyched to kick it and send it with the Bishop climbing community out there on the rock! If you’re trying to find us, just look for the group of climbers who sound like a series of outtakes from The L Word or Will and Grace.

Homo Climbtastic is a two-year old group, wrangled through Facebook and started in Georgia by climber and gay extraordinaire Alex Rowland. We’ve had a number of big national trips including last summer’s extravaganza at the New River Gorge in West Virginia. More than 60 homo climbers and friends showed up then, the biggest gathering of gay lady and man (and lady-man) climbers ever. Though come April, probably not anymore.

Would You Like to Buy Some Chicle?

HC’s Spring trip is in full-swing, and that means that it’s Sponsorship time! We’ve been knocking on doors like a gang of 19 year olds trying to sell you some shitty knives, and emailing/calling/begging for sponsors always reminds me of being stuck in traffic in Guadalajara where those cute little kids come up to your window and try to sell you some chicle. I’m always super nice to those kids, ’cause I’m a decent goddamn human being, and sometimes I even give them a couple bucks. I see other people get really nasty & hateful with them. In case you were confused, this is a literary device called an allegory, and today I’m using it to exorcise my frustration with the good people at **** company for being snotty with me last summer. OK, so maybe the chicle kids don’t tell you that your marketing strategy is kind of lame, and will only appeal to 17-34 year old white men, but girl let’s be honest…if you can’t trust the people at Homo Climbtastic to be honest with you, then who the fuck you gonna’ trust?

You'd be a fool NOT to take marketing advice from this kid.

I’m also, as coincidence would have it, making “cold calls” to try & sell stuff for my real-life job…the one that actually pays my bills. Oh the rejection. If you’ve never worked in a sales position, then you just can’t grasp the humiliation we endure. And for some reason, every time I get involved in a job or in any type of organization, this is where I wind up…peddling my fucking chicle. Once, many many moons ago, I accidentally sold Cadillacs for a year. It wasn’t my fault, I was in a blackout. It was like, one night this guy invited me to a party & I woke up a year later driving a red Cadillac Eldorado with a geriatric sitting next to me telling me about his grand-daughter and how well we’d get along. Meth is a Hell of a drug. Anyfuck, I soon discovered that selling cars is one long, painful cold-call. I also learned that, as human beings, we deserve to be exterminated. My therapist says this is normal for someone who’s been through that type of trauma, and my attitude toward my fellow man seems to be getting better.

All of this is to give a huge, gigantic “THANK YOU” to our wonderful, amazing sponsors. Also, a gigantic “THANK YOU” to the companies who have been so gracious in their reply, even though they cannot sponsor us right now (I’m talking to you, Climb On!)

I have to go make more sales calls now. Hey, if any of you need a couple hundred thousand electronic components per month, give me a call…I’ll make you a killer deal.

SAVE THE DATE: HC’s 2011 Spring Trip to Bishop, California!

Bishop, California!
Don’t say we didn’t give you enough warning, because here it is! Start saving your pennies, book off work, and start looking for flights – Homo Climbtastic is heading to Bishop, California!

When: Thursday, April 14th to Monday, April 18th, 2011 (+/- whatever days you wanna stay)
Where: Bishop, California (Google Map)

While more details are in their way, just mark it off in your calendars for now. Facebook Event HERE!

Bishop is world famous in the climbing community for its spectacular problems in the Happies, Sads, and Buttermilks. Problems include Chris Sharma’s once-upon-a-time project “Mandala” V12, and what is arguably the world most photographed, best known boulder problem, the “Iron Man Traverse” V4. And that’s a REAL V4, not your inconsistent climbing gym V4s.

But don’t worry if bouldering isn’t your forte (it ain’t mine either), the plan is to also spend time climbing routes in Owen’s Gorge. Again, more details to come!

SO BOOK THAT SH*T OFF NOW!

A Modest Solution to Our Nasty Little Border Problem

It’s been like six thousand degrees Kelvin in Austin this August, which is roughly equivalent to the temperature on the surface of the mother fucking sun.  Climbing has been…well, challenging.  The heat makes me pine for a new, exotic climbing destination.  And that’s when I get my mad on that we can’t drive to Miss Mexico any more since the Sandanistas or who the fuck ever now control the highways.

No doubt you’re thinking “Kelly, what the fuck?  It’s hotter in Mexico than it is in Austin right now.”  First off, rude…my life coach says you can’t talk to me that way anymore.  Secondly, I don’t fucking care.  I crave something different, and frankly  105F versus 107F doesn’t feel much hotter…unless you’re throwing a hacienda with a mother fucking pool into the mix.  Yeah, I said it.  What.  I want to climb in a place where there are multi-pitch sport routes, and even though it’s hot you can go swimming at your hotel afterward.  ‘Cause that’s who I am.  I’m a gay man who climbs, and I want room service.  Miss Cho said it best:  “Where’s my fucking parade?”

Now, as I understand it, the cartels are fighting over territory…specifically, ports of entry to the United States.  You’re probably wondering how I know this?  My good friend Jose Reyes Ferriz, Mayor of Juarez, told me so.  OK, so, like, we’re not good friends…but I met him at this conference a couple of months ago.  PS, he’s a partner in a law firm that specializes in Maquiladora programs in Mexico…no conflict of interest there, eh?  Anyfuck, Sr. Ferriz was all “Hey, you know why the cartels are fighting in Juarez and other ports of entry to the US?  ‘Cause you Americans consume more drugs than any other nation on the face of the fucking planet, and they’re good business men who just want to get their shit into your country.”  I’m paraphrasing, I don’t think he dropped an f-bomb in his speech.  But OK I get it, we use lots of drugs & Mexico can’t get too involved in a conflict that would, in essence, spark a civil war.  And let’s be frank:  the people who consume all those drugs?  Republicans and Conservative Christians.  Fundamentalist preachers, conservative talk show hosts, and Republican senators.  Anyone on the verge of getting busted for having (lots of) gay sex in an airport Men’s room, basically, is who I’m talking about here.  I don’t have any proof, I just don’t know who else has enough money to consume all of those drugs…and there’s LOTS of money in being an ultra-conservative d-bag.  Do you really think Ann Coulter got to be that lovely shade of grey by JUST throwing up everything she eats?  Darling…how refreshingly naive.

The solution, I think, lies in the recent immigration battle going on here in Texas and in Arizona.

Now, for the most part, it seems like Republicans and Tea Baggers are anti-illegal immigrant.  Or pro-immigration reform, depending on who you ask.  Unless said immigrant is a coke mule, but you get my point.  And, according to their rhetoric, it’s NOT because they’re racist.  I know a lot of these people, and I can tell you that they are most definitely NOT racists.  Despite the emails they send me that are somewhat racist in tone.  And despite the racist jokes they tell me that make me sick to my stomach.  The racial slurs spoken in the privacy of their homes don’t mean anything, either…they’re not racist.  ‘Cause they say so.  All empirical evidence may suggest otherwise, but they’re definitely NOT racist.  Dammit.  They’re just worried about the situation at the border.  As it relates to brown people.  Or something.

Now, since I know so many of these people, I also know their habits.  I know what they like.  What makes them “tick”.  I know that the one thing in the world a Republican or a Tea Bagger really wants…what makes them happy…is to feast on the souls of the innocent.  That’s right, just a little innocent soul* once in a while, and these people are like little teddy bears.

And so I propose that we allow Michele Bachmann to sacrifice a couple of babies once a month or so.  Let Sarah Palin get her a big ol’ mouth full of sweet, pure latino soul, and all will yet again be right with the world.  I’m pretty sure Republicans only do lots of drugs because even they’re afraid to admit their true addiction, so we’ll see our nation’s drug use plummet to record low levels as conservative anti-gay politicians go back to their original drug-of-choice (innocent souls) while having gay sex with prostitutes.  It’s win-win!  Immigration reform is no longer an issue because the right-wingers get what they REALLY want (in addition to $3/hour housekeeping and lawn work) and finally shut the fuck up about it, and the cartels lose enough money that they can no longer afford a sustained war against one-another.

All it’ll take is the death of a few children, or in some circumstances, very innocent adults, and I’ll be able to drive to Mexico so I can go climbing.

I’m attaching a picture of Roger wearing a googly eyed speedo so that our reader’s souls can get tainted enough that Republicans won’t want to eat you.  ‘Cause I’m a giver like that.  You’re welcome.

*Homo Climbtastic in no way endorses the consumption of souls…innocent or otherwise.

Connor, bears, news, oh my!

This is my first blog entry on Homo Climbtastic, so I’ll take this opportunity to introduce myself.  I’m Connor, and I climb gay rocks, er, um, I’m a gay cock climber, damn, I’m a gay rock climber, there, nailed it.  I’m other things too, which is why I’ve always had a hard time with labels.  So in reality, I’m just Connor, and you can call me anything you like (but people usually stick to Connor, because I’m also a gay mixed martial arts expert).  More on me in the future.  Mike (check the ambassadors section) and I (mostly Mike) started Flame and Flash, San Francisco’s Bay Area LGBT Climbing Club, after his trip to Homoclimbtastic ’09.  And we have three things to share with the larger Homoclimbtastic audience; no, not our combined number of balls this time, but real news-worthy news:

Nick and Steven

So do you remember when you were a kid, and barbie was your hero?  (Or GI Joe if you’re a top or a lesbian).  I had that same feeling today.  Twice.

Who's up for sloppy second and third?

Nick and Steven, two of our Flame and Flashers went to Cologne, Germany for the 8th Gay Games.  They both competed in the Sport Climbing Competition and won Silver and Bronze respectively!  That’s right, Flame and Flash has gay medalists (medalistSSSSS, that’s two motha fuckas, count’em) and we couldn’t be more proud.  Well, I guess we could, but one of them will get gold next year, at which point we will be more proud. Either way, they trained their asses off, which in Nick’s case meant trying to quit drinking and making it almost a whole week, and in Steven’s meant going on National TV and dancing on a wall.  These boys deserve our recognition, so next time you see them, give them a pat on the back, or a handjob, because they’ve earned it.  Next year, I hope to see some of our ladies up on that podium!

Labor Day Weekend

As many of you know, Labor Day is approaching faster than the train that Nick and Steven are likely running on some Germans right now.  And we, Flame and Flash along with LA’s LGBT climbing group, Top Out Rock Bottoms, are working our waxed asses off to bring you the most FlamingTop-and-FlashyBottom-Filled event ever!

So read up, show up, and bring a dress (or camo-cargo-shorts if your a lesbian).  Post questions on the event wall, or email one of the event admins.

Knee Pads

Finally, “You’re getting knee pads!”  No wait, I mean tanks.  Mike has designed, and WE have ordered (that’s right, I do shit too) our new Flame and Flash tanks!  As if your swishy climbing style wasn’t enough, the next time you flash a hetro’s project, you won’t have to say shit, because the gayest tank top ever will practically scream “I’m here, I’m queer, and I flashed your goddamned project.”  The tank might also ask said hetro to have sex with you, because these tanks have a mind of their own, and let’s face it, you wanted to ask but don’t have the balls.

Flame and Flash tank back graphic.

And BTW, you’re all going to look damn sexy in them.  What’s that you say? $15 each for a tank that will convert hetros? What a bargain!  We’ll announce when we receive them, and we’ll bring them to our FnF meetings.  If you believe in god, and he prevents you from coming to an FnF meeting, you can still get your hands on one by asking nicely.  Supplies are limited, so suck it in!

I’m hard on, get me off.