Everything I Know About Gender Identity Disorder, I Learned On A Climbing Blog

No, you won’t.  But you could maybe start here.  Also, I apologize that this isn’t the funniest post in the history of HC…I’m a little hesitant to put to much cock and irreverence in this post ’cause, let’s be honest, there are some things that are serious.  And you can get cock anywhere, you whore.

Fair warning:  I am not, nor do I claim to represent, the transsexual climbing community. I climb with a couple of gender variant people and I’ve been lucky enough to learn a lot about these issues from them.  I think it’s incredibly important for the HC community to be educated about this stuff because of who we are, and the diverse community we’re trying to create.  (side-note…despite what you may see in pictures, we’re not all plain-Jane gay boys…we just have a couple of queens who always jump in front of whatever under-represented minority we’re trying to get pictures of in order to prove that they really do come on our trips.)

Some additional (unimportant) history:  When I came out of the closet, my mother told me “I get the gay thing, but don’t you show up at my house in a dress.”  I realized at that point that, as hard as it is to be gay, it’s got to be infinitely harder to be transgender.  I’ve known for years that I wasn’t built with the courage it takes to live the life of some of my transgender friends, but I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have them…friends who’ve exercised what can only be described as a massive ass-load of patience in helping to educate me (and continue to do so) not only on how they want to be treated, but how I can best serve as an ally.

OK, that’s done…let’s talk.

Did you know that people who do not identify as the gender with which they were born are considered mentally ill by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders(DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association?  Google it…it’s called “Gender Identity Disorder.”  Isn’t that cute?  Gender identity is a disorder…so I guess we’re going with the whole “God don’t make no mistakes” thing here?  The APA, you may remember, is the same group who voted to delete homosexuality from the DSM in the late 70′s, thus clearing the way for…well, for a lot.  Our opponents had a wonderful time denying all manner of civil liberties to a group of gay people who were considered mentally ill, and now the same groups are having a field day doing the exact same thing to our transgender friends.

So the answer is obvious…we have to petition to have Gender Identify Disorder removed from the DSM RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!  Shit…hang on a second…

Removing the diagnosis from the DSM means insurance companies can stop covering gender reassignment procedures.  Do you have ANY fucking idea what it costs to transition from male to female?  Average is about $20,000.  Up-front.  That’s right, those surgeons aren’t fucking around, they want their money in advance.

So let’s petition to keep Gender Identity Disorder in the DSM RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!! Shit…wait…

People with the diagnosis still need civil liberties, which are pretty fucking hard to come by when you’ve been labeled a mentally ill man or woman (never mind your true gender, dear, we’re going to further denigrate a key part of your life experience by continuing to refer to you by the gender with which you were born.)

So what’s the answer?  Fuck if I know.  The odds are against the APA to removing GID from the DSM all-together, but there seems to be some momentum building to reform the diagnosis to lessen the stigma while simultaneously increasing the access to treatment options.  One of the leading proponents of this change has been Kelley Winters.  You can read more here, if you’re so inclined.

Wow…you’re still here?  Well, I guess you’ve earned this:

Yeah, that's Rowland. Spank away, my friends. Spank away.

Would You Like to Buy Some Chicle?

HC’s Spring trip is in full-swing, and that means that it’s Sponsorship time! We’ve been knocking on doors like a gang of 19 year olds trying to sell you some shitty knives, and emailing/calling/begging for sponsors always reminds me of being stuck in traffic in Guadalajara where those cute little kids come up to your window and try to sell you some chicle. I’m always super nice to those kids, ’cause I’m a decent goddamn human being, and sometimes I even give them a couple bucks. I see other people get really nasty & hateful with them. In case you were confused, this is a literary device called an allegory, and today I’m using it to exorcise my frustration with the good people at **** company for being snotty with me last summer. OK, so maybe the chicle kids don’t tell you that your marketing strategy is kind of lame, and will only appeal to 17-34 year old white men, but girl let’s be honest…if you can’t trust the people at Homo Climbtastic to be honest with you, then who the fuck you gonna’ trust?

You'd be a fool NOT to take marketing advice from this kid.

I’m also, as coincidence would have it, making “cold calls” to try & sell stuff for my real-life job…the one that actually pays my bills. Oh the rejection. If you’ve never worked in a sales position, then you just can’t grasp the humiliation we endure. And for some reason, every time I get involved in a job or in any type of organization, this is where I wind up…peddling my fucking chicle. Once, many many moons ago, I accidentally sold Cadillacs for a year. It wasn’t my fault, I was in a blackout. It was like, one night this guy invited me to a party & I woke up a year later driving a red Cadillac Eldorado with a geriatric sitting next to me telling me about his grand-daughter and how well we’d get along. Meth is a Hell of a drug. Anyfuck, I soon discovered that selling cars is one long, painful cold-call. I also learned that, as human beings, we deserve to be exterminated. My therapist says this is normal for someone who’s been through that type of trauma, and my attitude toward my fellow man seems to be getting better.

All of this is to give a huge, gigantic “THANK YOU” to our wonderful, amazing sponsors. Also, a gigantic “THANK YOU” to the companies who have been so gracious in their reply, even though they cannot sponsor us right now (I’m talking to you, Climb On!)

I have to go make more sales calls now. Hey, if any of you need a couple hundred thousand electronic components per month, give me a call…I’ll make you a killer deal.

Rowland hath returned, with a big penis

Well, I suppose it’s still the same size it was before.

While I was away, I still had a lot of angry Andy Rooney type rants, immature sex jokes, and tropes built around a simulacratic identity convinced that everyone wants to sleep with me, but I just wasn’t in a position to share them.

And now I am, and I fully intend to bring our hit count back to the days before my absence.

(For some reason WordPress is not cooperating with my desire to display a hit count graph before and after my absence, but it’s very compelling.  Instead, a photo of me at Pride.)

Stay classy, Atlanta!

Armed with a big bottle of Depakote and two syringes of rectal valium, I’m ready to explode my creative juices all over homoclimbtastic.com yet again.  (Coming soon: a shocking–well, not really all that shocking–interview for our next Member Profile, with the one and only Tim Kettering.)

I close for now with a public service of sorts, a blurb from WebMD about what to do if a friend has a seizure.  As it turns out, few know what to do, because apparently somebody’s mom thought it was a good idea to put her thumb on her son’s tongue and she got bit and got rabies or something and had to take antibiotics for a week and so of course that meant she had to talk in extensive detail about the hell that was playing on her digestive system because he owes that to her for trying to keep him from choking on his tongue which he obviously wasn’t choking on.  Just saying.

What do I do if a friend has a seizure?

First, gently bring the person to the ground and put something under the head so he or she doesn’t hit the floor, French explains. Then turn the person over on the left side — a better position for easier breathing and improved circulation. Turn him or her head slightly down so saliva won’t go into the lungs — and absolutely do not put anything in the person’s mouth. The seizure should end in one or two minutes, maybe even less.

When the person regains consciousness, he or she will be confused, so stay with the person until he or she is back to the person’s normal self. It’s a good idea for those with epilepsy to wear a medical bracelet. If he or she has a seizure and no one is around, the bracelet will tell others what’s happening so they can respond appropriately.

Can a seizure be life-threatening?

Yes, but very rarely. “Status epilepticus is when a seizure lasts longer than a few minutes, which can lead to brain injury and even death,” says French. So, if a seizure hits the three-minute mark, call 911 immediately.

Looking at seizures in another way, they can be life-threatening, especially for children who are not well supervised in certain situations. For instance, never leave a child who has had a seizure alone in the bathtub, explains Olson.

If the person carries around a maximum strength syringe of rectal valium, if they’ve told you where it is, then they probably already told you how to use it.  The fact that they’re carrying it means that their seizures can last for a dangerously long time, which means the valium should be used immediately.  If the seizure doesn’t stop within five minutes eight to ten minutes, call an ambulance.  Lube it up, stick it in, count to three while you push the plunger down, count to three before you pull it out, and hold their cheeks together.  This is after you’ve turned them sideways.  Don’t take photos.  Unless they’re good ones.  And don’t seize on this opportunity to stick anything else up there.

Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better Project”

Some reposting from the Toronto group.

I’m sure you all know who Dan Savage is, so we won’t get into that. What you may or may not know is that a 15-year-old boy from Indiana recently hung himself after being intensely bullied (article here), being called “fag” and such. Dan Savage has started a YouTube Channel called the “It Gets Better Project” where he is reaching out to LGBT youth, letting them know that life gets better after high school. That, even though things are painful for them now, “nobody can touch you” after.

For me, I was lucky in high school. Yeah, I stood out, yeah, I was that guy also at an all-boys Catholic school, and yeah, there were comments about me. But it never really mattered. For some reason, I always knew that it would get better. Even by the tenth grade, I was hanging out downtown, hanging out with a very “diverse” group of friends, etc. I already knew that there was MORE out there.

But for those who are still in it. Dan Savage is right. It does get better. But don’t take my word for it, listen to Dan and his partner Terry.

http://www.youtube.com/v/7IcVyvg2Qlo?fs=1&hl=en_US

So all you queer climbers out there, you should know that HC will be collaborating on our own submission to the project. We’ll be getting video from across the continent from any queer or queer-friendly climber has something to say. Get in touch with your crew in your city, and let’s make this happen.

Homo Climbtastic Dictator Abducted

We’ve received several emails and phone calls inquiring as to the whereabouts of HC’s most famous dictator, Alex Rowland (AKA:  Ra-Ra).  Seems the dearth of commentary on Georgia’s political turmoil hasn’t gone entirely unnoticed, and for your concern we’re all truly gratified.  Your prayers mean so much.

Rowland was abducted by a group of hillbillies (all of whom identify as dom tops) several weeks ago while climbing in the back-woods of Tennessee, though the ransom notes we’ve received (all dictated, not read, by Alex) have been very clear, no rescue requested.  We’re all hoping he’ll get his fill & comes back to civilization very soon, though personally I think the hill people have bitten off a tad more than they can chew with this one.  We here at Homo Cimbtastic headquarters (located in the world’s gayest bunker…you know, the one Lindsey Graham uses in case of emergency) are praying that Alex will wear them out eventually.  Well, either that, or Alex’s ass hair will finally start growing back in & they’ll return him out of pure need for a good wax job.

a picture left by Alex's abductors. Poor Alex. Poor, poor Alex.

So keep him in your prayers, light a candle, and hopefully we’ll be seeing more from him in the very near future.  And Alex, if you’re reading this, for Christ’s sake honey give those poor people a breather.

A Modest Solution to Our Nasty Little Border Problem

It’s been like six thousand degrees Kelvin in Austin this August, which is roughly equivalent to the temperature on the surface of the mother fucking sun.  Climbing has been…well, challenging.  The heat makes me pine for a new, exotic climbing destination.  And that’s when I get my mad on that we can’t drive to Miss Mexico any more since the Sandanistas or who the fuck ever now control the highways.

No doubt you’re thinking “Kelly, what the fuck?  It’s hotter in Mexico than it is in Austin right now.”  First off, rude…my life coach says you can’t talk to me that way anymore.  Secondly, I don’t fucking care.  I crave something different, and frankly  105F versus 107F doesn’t feel much hotter…unless you’re throwing a hacienda with a mother fucking pool into the mix.  Yeah, I said it.  What.  I want to climb in a place where there are multi-pitch sport routes, and even though it’s hot you can go swimming at your hotel afterward.  ‘Cause that’s who I am.  I’m a gay man who climbs, and I want room service.  Miss Cho said it best:  “Where’s my fucking parade?”

Now, as I understand it, the cartels are fighting over territory…specifically, ports of entry to the United States.  You’re probably wondering how I know this?  My good friend Jose Reyes Ferriz, Mayor of Juarez, told me so.  OK, so, like, we’re not good friends…but I met him at this conference a couple of months ago.  PS, he’s a partner in a law firm that specializes in Maquiladora programs in Mexico…no conflict of interest there, eh?  Anyfuck, Sr. Ferriz was all “Hey, you know why the cartels are fighting in Juarez and other ports of entry to the US?  ‘Cause you Americans consume more drugs than any other nation on the face of the fucking planet, and they’re good business men who just want to get their shit into your country.”  I’m paraphrasing, I don’t think he dropped an f-bomb in his speech.  But OK I get it, we use lots of drugs & Mexico can’t get too involved in a conflict that would, in essence, spark a civil war.  And let’s be frank:  the people who consume all those drugs?  Republicans and Conservative Christians.  Fundamentalist preachers, conservative talk show hosts, and Republican senators.  Anyone on the verge of getting busted for having (lots of) gay sex in an airport Men’s room, basically, is who I’m talking about here.  I don’t have any proof, I just don’t know who else has enough money to consume all of those drugs…and there’s LOTS of money in being an ultra-conservative d-bag.  Do you really think Ann Coulter got to be that lovely shade of grey by JUST throwing up everything she eats?  Darling…how refreshingly naive.

The solution, I think, lies in the recent immigration battle going on here in Texas and in Arizona.

Now, for the most part, it seems like Republicans and Tea Baggers are anti-illegal immigrant.  Or pro-immigration reform, depending on who you ask.  Unless said immigrant is a coke mule, but you get my point.  And, according to their rhetoric, it’s NOT because they’re racist.  I know a lot of these people, and I can tell you that they are most definitely NOT racists.  Despite the emails they send me that are somewhat racist in tone.  And despite the racist jokes they tell me that make me sick to my stomach.  The racial slurs spoken in the privacy of their homes don’t mean anything, either…they’re not racist.  ‘Cause they say so.  All empirical evidence may suggest otherwise, but they’re definitely NOT racist.  Dammit.  They’re just worried about the situation at the border.  As it relates to brown people.  Or something.

Now, since I know so many of these people, I also know their habits.  I know what they like.  What makes them “tick”.  I know that the one thing in the world a Republican or a Tea Bagger really wants…what makes them happy…is to feast on the souls of the innocent.  That’s right, just a little innocent soul* once in a while, and these people are like little teddy bears.

And so I propose that we allow Michele Bachmann to sacrifice a couple of babies once a month or so.  Let Sarah Palin get her a big ol’ mouth full of sweet, pure latino soul, and all will yet again be right with the world.  I’m pretty sure Republicans only do lots of drugs because even they’re afraid to admit their true addiction, so we’ll see our nation’s drug use plummet to record low levels as conservative anti-gay politicians go back to their original drug-of-choice (innocent souls) while having gay sex with prostitutes.  It’s win-win!  Immigration reform is no longer an issue because the right-wingers get what they REALLY want (in addition to $3/hour housekeeping and lawn work) and finally shut the fuck up about it, and the cartels lose enough money that they can no longer afford a sustained war against one-another.

All it’ll take is the death of a few children, or in some circumstances, very innocent adults, and I’ll be able to drive to Mexico so I can go climbing.

I’m attaching a picture of Roger wearing a googly eyed speedo so that our reader’s souls can get tainted enough that Republicans won’t want to eat you.  ‘Cause I’m a giver like that.  You’re welcome.

*Homo Climbtastic in no way endorses the consumption of souls…innocent or otherwise.

John Amaechi cheeses my muffin

John Amaechi, photo from Towleroad

In an otherwise intelligent interview, out (former) NBA player John Amaechi said something that really cheezed my muffin (this is a bad thing, muffins should not have cheese):

JA: I think there are probably 5,000 mainstream professional athletes in the US, maybe 500 of them are LGBT, I just don’t think that is a key demographic in the quest for change. Some are “stunted” as I mentioned – not as many as I made out in that article in fairness – but I think it is a just a plot device we like to have in our mind that if a big enough star came out the fans would stop being homophobic, the family research council would rethink it’s policies and all would be well.

I was in Cologne for the gay games and I spoke to person after person – all from southern or central states in fairness – who were not out at work: high school teachers (a LOT of teachers) , several IT technicians, two journalists, a TV production person and others… all of whom felt it dangerous in one way or another for them to be out at work – all of whom said that gay athletes should come out even though they felt they couldn’t. When all teachers, engineers, etc, etc feel safe to come out, maybe then the argument for professional athletes to do the same would not ring with so much hypocrisy. A gay sportsman coming out just isn’t going to have the impact you think. Young people are mostly already won over in terms of LGBT human rights, and those with the real power, aren’t going to be swayed by an athlete, because they aren’t swayed by the hate crimes statistics, they aren’t swayed by the genuine love of gay couples and they aren’t swayed by the logical argument for equality.

(Emphasis mine.) As Kelly likes to say, get off the cross, the rest of us need the wood.  There are plenty of us who DID come out, in the south, and everywhere else, at great personal expense, who also think that the world would be improved if professional athletes came out.  Just because you found some people who didn’t come out who would like professional athletes to do so doesn’t mean the argument for athletes coming out “rings with hypocrisy,” oh, and p.s., Magic Johnson’s announcement that he had HIV in 1991 took about 10 times the balls that it would take for a pro athlete to come out as gay in 2010.  Magic Johnson pwned you and everybody else from now until eternity.

For me, as a kid, growing up with gay characters on MTV, one of the most significant moments for me was still Magic Johnson’s announcement–he wasn’t gay, but he revealed something  that would certainly cause a lot of people to suspect that he was, which implied in a way that it was alright in professional athletics.

Regarding the benefits of coming out, we live out of the closet not just because it sways people in power (that’s pretty low on my own list).  Living openly provides an example for others, especially youth, and breaks open the rest of society.  A lot of people are working very hard to paint a complete portrait of the LGBT community, inclusive of LGBT athletes, and the attitudes of youth are the fruit of that labor, not a reason for saying the effort is unnecessary, and rural LGBT youth are still kicking ass and taking names (e.g. prom brouhahas in Mississippi and Georgia).  Having lived out the impact of seeing other gay athletes now, and seeing virtually none as a kid, Amaechi’s dismissal tempts me to call him out for being a douche. But I won’t, because, you know, it’s easy to say a bunch of shit you don’t mean in an interview.  But then, here it is again in another interview.

I agree that it’s not your personal responsibility to save the world–come out if you damn well want to, or don’t.  That’s your call.  Nobody says you have to screw yourself over to help everybody else.  Virtually no one makes that argument, which is why I wonder why people are so intent on countering it.  We all look out for number 1 sometimes. But don’t be a shithead and dismiss the efforts others have made to live authentically for themselves and the rest of society.  Had an opportunity to help a lot of people and go down in the history books, but didn’t take it?  Write a sad poem in your journal and move on. And quit shitting on the rest of us in your interviews.

Turd-niblet Nathan Deal pulls “Straw” ad w/o explanation

The Deal campaign pulled his hateful anti-gay bigoted homophobic anti-youth douchebaggy advertisement off their YouTube account, thereby breaking all the links of everyone who linked to it to draw attention to how hateful anti-gay bigoted homophobic anti-youth and douchey it was.

Like me.

Fortunately, Matt found a copy of the ad in the last thirty seconds of this clip.

I’m guessing the Deal campaign noticed that this one ad was getting ten zillion more views than anything else, and realized it was because everyone on the entire internet was having a field day mocking it.  And that maybe they could slink back into the night.  NOT SO, NATHAN DEAL.

A lot of you have asked if Deal responded to my letter; no, he hasn’t.  There have been a lot of google searches for my name recently (the blog software tracks them) so I’ve been pondering if it’s from fans or campaign minions.  Or internet dates stalking me.  Maybe all three.

I gotta go get ready for the radio.  Woo!

Yes, HC writes policy for raising your children

The race for governor in my home state of Georgia has gotten particularly nasty:

Never mind that Karen Handel is kind of a big mega douche when it comes to gay rights. In any event, Nathan Deal’s panties are in a knot because Handel voted, probably unknowingly, to fund a group in Atlanta that ACTIVELY PROMOTES HOMOSEXUALITY IN TEENAGERS AS YOUNG AS THIRTEEN.

I was enraged as well, so I wrote Nathan Deal the following letter.

Dear Nathan Deal,

I saw your recent commercial and was disturbed, no, perturbed, that Georgia’s tax dollars were being spent on YouthPride, an organization that promotes homosexuality to youth as soon as they are thirteen years old.  We should not be spending money on a group that waits that long.  At Homo Climbtastic, a group founded in the fine state of Georgia, our policy is to encourage homosexuality in children as young as two.  The first two years are spent encouraging the children to choose whatever gender they feel best represents them, and then after that, we encourage them to develop sexual attractions to that gender.  Two years is a reasonable period to prevent the possibility of gender reassignment surgery voiding all that we have worked for, but thirteen is just ridiculous.  Obviously, you should be sending your tax dollars to us, and it’s good to know Homo Climbtastic may end up with a friend in the governor’s mansion.

Kindest regards,

Alex Rowland

P.S. You must have choked on that Prop 8 ruling like a big ole wad of donkey cum.

Please write to Nathan Deal today and let him know how important it is that Homo Climbtastic receive taxpayer funding.

Answer: White people

Editor’s Note: Find out more about Youth Pride, the group Nathan Deal attacks in his ad, here: http://www.youthpride.org/

Str8 acting

Laurie and Ra-ra: Sneaky gays

Like any good blogger, I’m going to cheat you out of a post today with two magical blogger tricks.  First, I’m going to schedule something to publish a day after I write it, AND I’m going to recycle something written a long time ago!  Hahahaha!

I am taking the bar exam in t-minus 10 and a half hours, and will be in the throes of it when this is scheduled to appear online, so, you’ll have to excuse me, but I’m busy.

Judging by reader comments, what to me was an oblique reference to youthful ignorance struck a nerve, and so I thought I would reprint something from blog-land two years ago:

it has come to my attention that there are gay men out there who don’t feel as though they have much in common with the larger gay community. they turn on the television, see a leather daddy with a pink fanny pack and a pair of assless chaps, and think, “that’s not me!”

so to all the high school wrestlers, football players, fraternity members, swimmers, and altar boys, i say woe to you and your feelings of underrepresentation. because when i turn on that television, and i see that leather daddy with that pink fanny pack and that pair of assless chaps and leather boots and nipple piercing and back tattoo that says “SEX PIG,” i think to myself, “damn, i hope i’ll look half that good when i’m in assless chaps!”

thus i say to you, you men out there still buying into this whole dichotomy between masculinity and feminity, when you turn on that television, and you see that man, you know, that leather daddy with the assless chaps and pink fanny pack and leather boots and nipple piercing and back tattoo that says “SEX PIG” and shaved buttcrack and cockring and pink feather boa and neon-green silk g-string, i hope you’ll see someone you want to be: someone who doesn’t care what the rest of the world thinks, someone immune to society’s prejudices, someone unafraid to cross boundaries. at least, in regard to fisting. they’re probably pretty closed-minded to everything else. i hear they hate black people.

Last part purely silly of course, Atlanta is more of a race blender than anywhere else I’ve ever been.

Anyfuck, you can imagine my shock when I saw in an internet forum my brainchild being used as an example of gay people successfully emulating straight people:

For those embarrassed for themselves or others by the Gay Pride Parades/Activities, direct your friends/relatives/acquaintances to this site on gay rock climbers.

Let them see that, yes, gays can look just like them too, even though it’s not necessary that we all look/act the same. No boas, feathers, underwear showing or prancing angelically.

It might help them to realize that we all come in different packages

http://homoclimbtastic.com/

I agree with the final sentiment about different packages, fine, but the only thing stopping me from raining down fiery, bloggy judgement on the condescension adhering in the phrase “prancing angelically” and the bit about embarrassment is that, of course, I used to feel that way myself.

Those were younger days I choose to forget about. THOSE WERE THE DAYS I SPRAYED BETA ABOUT CLIMBS THAT I COULDN’T EVEN DO.
Beta, unless asked for, is verbal rape. AND I WAS A SERIAL RAPIST. I also thought of myself as a top, but I think that was genuine. I think it’s like the earth’s polarity and every zillion years or so it just reverses.

Anyway, I’m all better now, climbing in drag and keeping my beta to myself.