These be the people in charge!

Homo Climbtastic is composed of real people. People with feelings.

Tribal Council

The council of dictators votes on all club related shit.  They choose trip leaders, ambassadors, and vote in subsequent councillors.

Alex Rowland: despotic ruler from the dirty dirty Milton, Georgia Alex learned how to belay from a woman named Carolina in a nearby YMCA, and climbed indoors for an embarassingly long time before learning how to climb outside from a Swiss man named Dinu.  He is a total toprope whore because he is a wussy sissy baby, but when in a good mood will take several twenty foot whippers without flinching, a characteristic that neither he nor anyone else understands.  Rowland is the founder of HC.

Alex Chavez: rope gun Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Paramour of adventure, Alex Chavez has many a time found himself tinkering with a tricam in the middle of the night. This first happened when he chanced upon the crack between the fridge and counter during a drunken cereal raid, a discovery which prompted him to begin placing pro in as many constrictions as he could reasonably access at 3am while wearing nothing but a harness full of gear. He is the only Homo Climbtastic Dictator with a Facebook fan club.

Chris: peanut butter and jelly factory Athens, Georgia I wanted Chris to help me with this site but he was so exhausted from the Benny Benassi rave that he stayed home and didn’t respond to any of my texts. Thus, I feel this allows me to say anything I want about Chris. but I won’t, because he knows a lot more about me than I know about him.  For example, Chris knows about virtually every boy i’ve slept with, often because he was there too.

Jon: hottie recruiter Cambridge, Massachusetts Jon is our liaison for New England, and runs the Boston Queerabiners. Having seen Good Will Hunting one too many times, Jon is convinced he is going to find himself a hot, bad boy genius from Southie that can also send 5.13s. He is tasked with recruiting other hot climbing homos to HC using his wit and charm and by climbing in as little clothing as possible. Occasionally, he’ll lure stray innocent straight boys with his casual and unassuming manner, and assures them that the full physical examination is standard HC policy intended for their health and safety.

Rio P: gong show Toronto, Ontario Rio is our resident yoga instructor, sex bomb, cheerleader, and ambassador of T.O. ‘Mo Climbers, the Toronto climbing club with ‘mo tendencies.  He continues to call us southerners “yankees” even though we share nothing in common with them carpet baggers from up north, aside from our disproportionately large members.

Rob Upton: marmalade Albany, New York Rob is in Crux, New York’s LGBT climbing club. Thanks to British parents and a degree in mechanical engineering, Rob was able to fix the RRG hostel’s broken box fan using only a nut tool and a jar of marmite.  Not only is Rob a yankee, he’s a British sympathizer yankee. So, when the South attempts to secede again, he will be the first to go.  Until then, we love him for leading all the trad routes we’re afraid of.

Kelly: texas monkey Austin, Texas Kelly is our ambassador from GLAM, the LGBT climbing group in Austin, Texas.  I think the fact that Kelly is the voice of reason in the HomoClimbtastic organization is proof that we’re fucked.  Nevertheless, Kelly’s providence to avoid criminal trespass, slipping roofies to straight boys, and forgetting to put on a condom before blacking out has kept HomoClimbtastic members jail, death, and STI free; assuming you don’t count probation, scabies, or visiting the ghost of Brittany Murphy while high on Ativan. Thanks for being a friend Kelly.

Retired Dictators

Dictators never die, but they do get involved in stable long term relationships. So they might as well be dead.