Sometimes we want to holla at another club and they want to holla at us, so we appoint ambassadors.
 Mikey: ambassador from the wild west
San Jose, California
Mikey is our ambassador from Flame and Flash, the LGBT climbing group in San Francisco and the Bay Area. That’s in the Socialist State of California, where, despite being legally forced to compost, separate green glass from brown, and raise his own locally grown free range humanely slaughtered chickens, he’s still barred by popular vote from getting gay married. Fuck California. |
 Emma: glambassador from Texas
Austin, TX
Emma frequently greets me by wrapping a leg around my waist & whispering into my ear “I’m ovulating…fertilize my egg.” In short, she’s the lesbian best friend that every confused gay boy pines for. The fact that Emma manages to maintain an aggressive lesbian separatist stance while still being such a gay boy magnet means glam (the Texas-based queer climbing group) may go into the business of not-entirely-Christian conversion therapy when arthritis finally grounds us. In the mean-time, Emma spends her days bouldering and preaching the gospel of adding bacon bits to any pecan pie recipe. |
 Michael: ambassador from St. Louis
St. Louis, Missouri
Michael is our ambassador from the St. Louis ‘Mo Climbers, the first organization to partner with Homo Climbtastic. But our greatest accomplishment was determining whether the cage at Images is capable of holding thirteen shirtless people dancing to the Freemasons. We discovered that it was, so long as someone incorporated hanging from the top of the cage into their dance routine. Mary documented the incident from the inside in the final frame of her photodiary. |
 Chris Black: ambassador from L.A.
Los Angeles, California
Chris Black is our ambassador from the LA LGBT Climbers. Like all web designers, Chris yearns for a dom top who also feels that “/html” is an acceptable way to end a conversation. Thus doomed to loneliness and disappointment, he champions the amazingly successful LA LGBT climbing club. But maybe I’m just projecting. Maybe he’s actually the dom top you girls have been looking for. Keep the gloves on, Chris! |
 Danielle: ambassador from New York
New York, New York
Whenever New Yorkers flirt with me over the internet, they always ask the same thing: when are you visiting New York? Or, “it’s cheap to get a roundtrip ticket from Atlanta to New York.” For some reason, it’s never cheap to get a ticket from New York to Atlanta. Is it our bad public transit system? Or because our main tourist attraction is the Coke museum? The fact that HC’s conventions lured so many New Yorkers into our zesty backwaters is proof that HC has finally made it. That, or Danielle was all like, “get the fuck on this gravy train before I choke you!” Her organization, Crux, runs like a well oiled machine. I’m tempted to bring her in as a consultant so that we can finally have the accoutrements of responsible climbing club leadership that we so desperately need, like t-shirts, on time meetings, or tests for scabies. |
