“We’re so embarrassed that it’s come to this,” Dan Cathy, President of the successful fast-food restaurant says. ”When we were asked if we supported anti-gay groups, I answered yes…of course…but only because I misunderstood the question.”
Cathy claimed that the Baptist Press interview in which he announced the company’s support of anti-gay groups clearly mis-interpreted his answer, and that rather than making financial donations, the company has merely been shoveling “tons of fried foods into that whale Maggie Gallagher’s fat fucking mouth” in an effort to quiet the controversial NOM spokesperson. Cathy spoke in an exclusive interview with an anonymous HomoClimbtastic member who was simultaneously singing “Onward Christian Soldiers” into the business man’s asshole for $50. ”I’m just so ashamed, I hope my sister-wife never learns to read. It would take days to explain to her exactly what happened here. Oh yeah, that’s it, that’s it, Oh God yes, Oh…”
Cathy was later unavailable for further comment, but did tip the anonymous HC member $15 for teaching him a better method of sucking cock using a Chick-fil-A cup and straw.