We Are So Fucking Inclusive

I was just reading Ra-Ra’s post about the lube wrestling contest being trashed and started celebrating.  I know, I know, so many of you tacky bitches just fucking love watching hot climbers get all lubed up and go at it, but I thought it was a horrible idea.  I may be old gododamned fashioned, or I may be fucking boring, but I shudder to think of HC conventions becoming nothing more than an opportunity to explore the idea of an outdoor gay bar.

Shit's always sexier in your head than it is in reality.

One of the things I’ve always loved about HC is that we seem to have a wrench for every nut.  Whatever your orientation, wherever you’re from, as long as you have a sense of humor about yourself, you’re welcome to come.  Holy fuck I think that may have sorta’ rhymed…look at me, I’m a fucking poet over here.  Anychrist, when I showed up at my first HC convention I was really fucking nervous that this would be another gay event where we adhered to the classic gay stereotypes…everybody get fucked up, everybody sleep with each other, and everybody get dramatic about nothing.  OK, you’re thinking, that sounds like a good time…you’ve spent more time on your knees in the past year than Tebow, and the good news for you is that there will be people at an HC convention who are just like you!  And y’all can all run off and do blow off a West Virginia stripper’s dick!  I don’t recommend it, West Virginia strippers are often lucky to have all of their original teeth, but that’s neither hither nor thither.  Point is you can have that experience.

West Virginia Strippers: You don't want a piece of this.

And I can have my experience, too.  I don’t like gay bars, so I don’t like the idea of gay bar activities being our recreation at an HC convention.  The great news is that there are a lot of people who climb with HC who feel exactly the same way, so even if the lube wrestling contest was still “on”, or someone managed to get a DJ (I cannot fucking believe this is still a ‘thing’…I really did think all the DJ’s had over-dosed and died back in the 90′s) we would find something else to do.  Maybe go off and form a drum circle or nurture our inner child or squat over some mirrors.  Some shit like that, you know, all warm & fuzzy or what the fuck ever.  Hey…I’m old, I’m married, I have kids, and I had to give up the drinking and drugging a long goddamned time ago.  A good time to me is climbing all day, eating with a group of like-minded people, and going to fucking bed.  Oh, and coming up with a way to completely undermine Christianity and civilization as we know it by turning all heterosexuals gay, but only if I can’t sleep.  That one was for you, Rick Santorum…kiss kiss, darling.

One thought on “We Are So Fucking Inclusive

  1. Pingback: Slacklining, name dropping, and trolling | Homo Climbtastic

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s